Family Dinner
by Rosesdancinginmymind
Summary: A sequel to family lunch. Dinner at Cora's house. Crack hopefully funny fluff. AU SQ.


_AN: This is a sort of sequel to another fic of mine called Family Lunch. This is AU and SQ. I own neither Once nor its characters. I'd love to tell you there was a plot hidden in here somewhere but it is just crack fun fluff. Hope you enjoy :)_

You're starting to wonder why you agreed to this. Lunch is one thing but dinner? That's a whole new barrel of fun. At least Emma will be there for support and Henry is always good at dissolving tension. And, at this dinner there's bound to be a lot of it. Your mother, after the revelation about you and Emma decided a family dinner was in order which you thought meant you, her, Emma, Henry and your father. Apparently you were wrong, she has also invited Belle, your father's girlfriend, Neal, your brother/Henry's father and to top it off Snow and Charming who up until Cora's excited phone call about the pair of you were happily oblivious to your relationship with their daughter.

Thanks to your mother, you had received two worried protective speeches. The first was from Snow who begged you to please not hurt her daughter or her grandson leading to you having to promise over and over that you had no intentions of hurting her. At least that visit resulted in a somewhat cordial shared coffee. The speech from Charming occurred later that day. He, however, came armed with a sword and assured you that were you ever to harm a hair on his daughter's head that magic or not he would kill you. Overall that was one hell of a stressful day.

Emma saunters up behind you, in jeans as usual but instead of a tank top she has opted for a simple black sweater, as you stand in front of your wardrobe. "What you thinking about?"

"Just the lovely speech I heard from your father after my mother broke the news of our relationship to them"

"At least he only threatened you with a sword. Your mother threatened to turn me to dust and your father assured me that were I to ever hurt you he would curse me for all eternity"

"They did what?" neither of your parents had mentioned this to you.

"Exactly, count yourself lucky you were only threatened with weaponry and not magic" she smiles at you and says "hurry up and pick an outfit already, we're going to be late"

She's right but you can't help but roll your eyes.

"Why is Cora holding this dinner anyway? Surely it would be easier for us all to eat here?"

You shrug at her slipping on a black skirt and a plum blouse you know the blonde likes. She nods approvingly at your choice. "My mother insisted we have it at her place since she was the one who organised it"

"Fine, I think she still could have given has some warning before calling my mom and dad, do you have any idea how annoyed they were at me to hear it from her?"

"Did they threaten you with a sword?" you ask playfully as you shrug on a blazer.

"No, I was worried that they might ground me though"

You smile. She looks you over before smirking, kissing you and whispering into your ear, because she knows it drives you crazy, "You look gorgeous"

You push her away gently, "You too dear, now come on we're going to be late" you begin to walk out of the door and notice her still standing in the room, "Come on it won't be that bad"

"If you say so" she says, "you're lucky I love you and am willing to put myself through dinners for you"

"I love you too, now come on and let's go" you kiss her before pulling away again and sauntering out of the room.

She follows with a smile. As you get in the car she suddenly looks at you, "Hey, your mom does know how to cook right?"

* * *

You get to your mother's house as Neal and Henry pull up. "Mom! Ma!" you hear right before he barrel hugs the pair of you. "Hey kid" Emma says. You roll your eyes at her method of greeting before saying "Hello Henry, did you have a good time?" "Yeah we went to the arcade and I kicked his butt as Whac-A-Mole" "Awesome Henry" Emma says.

"I still say the game was clearly rigged" Neal says walking up to the three of you.

"Still lost" Henry says.

"Whatever, so we all looking forward to this?" he asks. You smile, clearly he thinks this is going to go well too. "Hello Neal" you say with a small wave, "yes this is bound to be fun". He responds to your wave with a one-armed hug, "Yes even more so since your mother decided to tell everyone about you two ladies" he says with a smirk at you and Emma.

"Thanks Neal for your support." Emma responds.

"Are we going in?" Henry asks, "I'm hungry" you all laugh at his directness before making your way up the drive to your mother's house.

* * *

Your mother greets everyone at the door before reaching you. "Hello sweetie" she says pulling you in for a hug.

"Hi mom"

"You okay?"

"Yes, though I must say thank you for telling Snow and Charming, led to some lovely threats"

"No problem, I also threatened Emma and I believe Rumpel did too. Is it not what parents do in this land?"

You smile at your mother's continued use of "in this land" as her excuse for doing things. "Yes mother though I don't think you guys really needed to threaten Emma"

"I disagree. We were ensuring our daughter was protected. How else are we to do that by threatening those who approach her?" Rumpel says as he comes up behind you, Belle in tow.

"Hello dad, either way if the pair of you could not turn my girlfriend into dust I would appreciate it"

"Well if you insist"

"I believe I said I would curse her"

"Dad"

"Fine, I won't curse Emma"

"Always good to hear" Emma says walking into the room. "What are we having for dinner?"

"You'll see as soon as your parents arrive"

* * *

You all end up cramped into Cora's living room which really isn't big enough for everyone. She has gone into the kitchen to finish the dinner preparations and barred you all from entering leaving you to settle with drinks in front of her TV. Henry has settled himself on the floor having found The Simpsons to watch. Your father is in the armchair with Belle perched on the edge as you and Emma squeeze together on the small sofa.

"Your mom needs more furniture" Emma grumbles.

"At least you're sitting on a chair" Neal says from his position on the floor.

"Hey, you snooze, you lose"

"You pushed me out of the way of the chair" you smile as she and Neal continue to squabble before Neal turns to you and says "You'd think my own sister would let me sit down"

You smirk at him. "Surely, a good big brother would let his sister have a chair anyway?"

He raises a brow. "I'm older. I should get the chair"

You raise a brow. "I got here first"

Belle suddenly laughs.

"What?!" you both ask.

"Nothing, I just noticed that you both do that brow raise thing. It's cute"

"Hopefully Cora has enough chairs around the dining table. I would hate for this squabble to continue"

"Well," Neal says, "We could talk about Emma and Regina instead?"

"Let's not" Emma groans.

You smile at her, "Why not?"

"Because last time your father threatened to curse me?"

"Rumpel!" Belle chastises.

Luckily this is interrupted by the doorbell. Nobody moves. You and Emma share a look. Neal and Henry do too. You know that if either one of you get up they are going to steal this sofa and you're not about to let that happen.

"Oh for god's sake" Cora says coming out of the kitchen, "You couldn't get the door?"

* * *

The good news: your mother does indeed have enough chairs for everyone. The bad news: none of them match. Right now your father and Belle are in two dining room chairs. Snow and Charming are on two bar stools. Your mother is in an armchair. Henry is perched on a fold out garden chair. Neal is on a very old looking beanbag. As for you and Emma you have been forced to sit atop a small coffee table. Now you don't normally mind about being stuck so close to the blonde but she tends to nudge her elbows out while she eats so you have a feeling that your left side is about to be thoroughly assaulted.

Your mother has "made" soup for starters. However, as it turns out she does not know how to use her hob so has microwaved eight different tins of soup. "Thank you mother" you say as she hands you and Emma bowls of soup. Emma takes her with a small frown. However when your mother hands you yours you yelp and drop the bowl all over your skirt. Holy mother of hell. It hurts. It burns. Emma is staring at you trying not to laugh. You give her a look that you hope makes it clear that if she so much as smiles about it then she will be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. You wonder why she didn't drop hers and touch her bowl and notice it is ice cold. The same cannot be said for your legs which are currently being slowly burned by soup. Everyone else is preoccupied looking at soup which has been heated to various degrees of success. Emma pushes hers away and slowly attempts to unwedge herself from the coffee table. In doing so she manages to elbow you straight in the face.

"EMMA!" you scream as you clutch your eye.

"Oh crap!" Emma says as she moves to look at your face "I'm so sorry babe, I only wanted to get up to get a towel for your legs, is your face alright?"

You gingerly move your hand "Maybe some ice please Emma?"

She runs out of the room whilst the rest of the table looks at you in mild concern except for Snow and Charming who are having an argument as to who she inherited the clumsiness from.

Cora notices the soup over your lap. "Oh, sorry Regina"

"It's alright, I just need to dry it off"

"Interesting soup Cora" Charming says with a grimace.

"I haven't figured out the hob yet" she replies not quite picking up on the rising tension between herself and the Charmings seated at the opposite end of the table.

Emma briskly returns with a towel for your legs and towel wrapped peas for your eye.

"Thank you Em" you say as she mops up the soup. "No problem, sorry about the eye" she says kissing you on the top of the head.

Snow coughs in surprise. Cora shoots her a dirty look. "You do know about Emma and Regina dear. It shouldn't surprise you to see them together"

"Well I didn't actually know until your phone call nor have I seen them together yet!"

"Snow, let's not do this now" Charming says in an attempt to placate his fuming wife.

"Henry, help me clear the soup bowls" Belle says in an attempt to remove him from the room before the yelling begins.

They leave as Emma steps in to try and stop the situation going too far. "Look, guys, I'm sorry Regina and I didn't tell you. We were going to but we didn't realise that Cora had beaten us to the punch. Now are you guys going to let this go so we can enjoy dinner together?"

Snow and Charming share a quick look before begrudgingly nodding in agreement.

"Excellent" Cora says "I'll bring out dinner"

Wonderful you think. So far, you haven't actually eaten, you've been scalded and you're fairly certain you will have a black eye for the next couple of days. Neal catches your one eyed glance from across the table and mouths "Well this is going well"

* * *

Dinner is fraught with tension. By the time Cora brings out the chicken and potatoes you think that Snow might just explode. She looks at Cora as she enters the room and finally says "You could apologise"

Cora plays innocent "For what dear?"

Rumpel sighs "How about for telling them about our daughter and theirs. It wasn't really your place to do so"

"And you've never done that?" she asks petulantly.

"Mom" you warn.

Henry laughs at you trying to scold your mother while Neal gives Rumpel a look that says 'please don't provoke anyone'.

Rumpel sighs, "I may have done in the past but I would like to be better for my kids and so I think you should apologise" he smiles at you and Neal.

Belle chimes in, "It wouldn't hurt Cora. You wouldn't have liked to hear it second-hand"

"I guess not but Emma walking up to my daughter in the middle of the diner and kissing her wasn't exactly a subtle way of telling us anyway"

"WHAT?!" is the twin shout from Snow and Charming.

Emma is staring sheepishly at her chicken trying to avoid the gazes of her parents.

Neal suddenly laughs. "What?" you ask.

"Just realised that Emma has slept with both of Rumpel's kids. You realise that means you're Henry's Aunt and his Mom?"

You blush as you realise his observation about Emma is true before you smirk and say "Well that means that you are both Henry's Uncle and his Dad"

"EW" Emma says, "Can we please not say it like that?"

"Perhaps you should stop defiling my children then" Rumpel says.

"Oh god" Henry says burying his face in his hands.

"Henry are you okay?" you ask now concerned.

"This conversation is just really weird. It makes us sound like we're all interrelated hillbillies or something. Can we not just keep it as you and Emma are my mom's and Neal is my dad and leave out the confusing Aunt/Uncle thing?"

You laugh and say "Well that's how you can see it. I still have to see Neal as my brother"

"Fair enough" Henry says, "When are you and Emma going to let me have a brother or sister?"

Emma spits out her drink and starts coughing. You pat her on the back and say "We really haven't discussed anything like that Henry"

"Why not?" Cora asks, "I'd love some more grandchildren"

"We only just got together!" Emma says, "Give us some time before loading us down with kids please!"

"How would you feel about having a brother though Emma?" Charming asks.

"What?" she says before noticing that Snow is drinking water unlike the rest of the adults who are sipping on wine. "Oh god, is that how you tell me you're pregnant?! Seriously?!"

You can't help but laugh at her reaction. Neal and Henry do too. There's an awkward silence at the Charming end of the table before Snow and Charming start laughing too.

"No" Snow says, "I'm not pregnant"

"Then why did you just do that?" Emma yells.

"Payback"

* * *

Dinner your surmise could have been worse. At least nobody else has been injured you think and generally arguments have been avoided. Cora eventually begrudgingly apologised to the Charmings and luckily after the awkward conversation that Henry started about children most of the conversation was kept to small talk. The chicken and potatoes also had received a better fate that the soup.

"That was nice mother, thank you" you smile as you help gather the dishes. Your mother takes them from you and orders you to sit down.

"Thank you Regina, I'll get these, you wait with the others for dessert"

Before you leave you walk back up and hug her "Thank you"

"What for honey?"

"Apologising. I know you didn't want to but you did it anyway so thank you"

"That's alright, I guess I wouldn't have been too pleased had I heard about it from Snow rather than you. By the way when will I get more grandchildren?"

"Mother! Emma and I have not been together all that long. We're enjoying things as they are right now"

You walk back in to the dining room to overhear Emma explaining the same thing to her parents. You're glad to know you're both on the same page.

* * *

Dessert is some mildly defrosted ice-cream. You all eat as politely as you can. Apparently when Emma grabbed the peas she failed to shut the freezer door. Luckily aside from that this section of the meal occurs with no major disasters.

By the time you finish drinking your ice-cream you are rather eager to get home. Your skirt is dry but still uncomfortable and if you're truly honest your eye really really hurts. Emma accidentally elbows you in the stomach while eating which is now about the 45th time this has happened this meal. You really hope your mother gets the pair of you separate chairs before the next time you come over. You're not certain how much more of being jabbed in the gut you can take especially not after eating. That last jab has certainly caused a minor issue. As she goes to finish her bowl she accidentally gets you again causing you to unceremoniously vomit all over her. She screams. "REGINA?! What the hell?!" she begins to calm when she notices you clutching your stomach and looking a fair bit paler than when you entered. Needless to say the coffee table is quite ruined and both of your outfits are probably destined for the bin. Everyone else has stopped eating and most have left to go to the living room.

"That is so gross Mom" Henry says.

"I'll leave you to deal with this Emma" Rumpel says with a grimace.

"Great parenting Dad" you groan.

"Sorry Gina, I love you but you are covered in cold soup and ice-cream vomit. I have my limits!" he laughs before leaving.

You look to your mother who has paled considerably. "Excuse me" she says before putting a hand over her mouth and fleeing the room.

"Well," Emma say rubbing your back, "At least we got some time to ourselves"

You smile in spite of your discomfort. Right now all you want to do is go home and crawl into bed.

Neal, who had gone to the bathroom chooses now to re-enter. "Whoa, where did everyone go?" he then sees you and Emma.

"Wow, that is so gross, thanks for putting me off the ice-cream sis"

"Thank you Neal, big help" Emma says rolling her eyes.

"Just teasing"

"I know Neal, could you please take Henry tonight?" you ask using what Emma calls your 'little sister face'.

"Fine," he says putting his hands up, "You can put the sister face away!"

"Thank you Neal. Emma can we please go?"

"So soon?" she asks.

You laugh, "Emma, I've burned by soup, have a black eye and been elbowed in the stomach by you 46 times resulting in throwing up all over us. Have I not been through enough this dinner?"

She laughs. "What?"

"Do you remember what you said earlier?"

You stare at her confusedly.

"You said it won't be that bad" she taps you on the nose then gestures to the pair of you. "Look at us. I think you might have accidentally cursed us babe"

You laugh, "It would certainly explain things"

She helps you stand. "Come on, I think we should go home"

You look down, "I think we might owe my mother a new coffee table"

"Hey, she needs new furniture anyway"

You look at all the different chairs gathered together around the table and think that actually it does kind of work. All of you are in fact so different but still end up round the table together anyway. Wow, you wonder when exactly you ended up so cheesy and sentimental. Emma grabs your hand, "What you thinking?"

"Just that all the different chairs do kind of work if you think about then I wondered how I ended up so cheesy and sentimental. I've decided to blame you."

"I'll take that as a compliment"

"Good, I love you"

"Love you too. I'm not kissing you though until you brush your teeth"

"Thanks dear"

"Do you think they'll want hugs goodbye?"

"You're disgusting" you laugh, "Perhaps let's just stick out heads in the doorway and wave?"

"Good idea"

You both leave to a mass group wave and a string of goodbyes and hopes that you are better soon. Clearly they think you are sick rather than the victim of a clumsy elbow. Your father makes you swear on your life to call him in the morning. You smile, though a little much the concern is nice. You yell to your mother that you're leaving, she responds by poking her head out of a doorway and yelling "Love you. Bye"

You and Emma leave hand in hand as you walk to the bug.

* * *

After a shower and several brushings of your teeth you have crawled into bed whilst Emma has tossed the clothes you both wore straight in the bin grumbling that you'd ruined one of her only smart tops. You smile as she lies down next to you and wraps an arm around you. "You owe me a jumper" she says.

You roll over, kiss her and say, "That was totally your fault dear"

"Never"

"Was so"

"You're the one who threw up"

"Only because you elbowed me and in the face, I think I came out of this dinner way worse that you did"

She smiles and laughs at you before kissing you lightly and saying "Well at least we survived dinner and no-one was crushed to dust."

"I thought my father might have done when you hit me in the face"

She laughs, "I was fairly certain that my mom was going to punch yours"

"Maybe next time"

She groans, "We're going to have to do this again?"

You laugh before rolling over and curling into her side, "I told my mother we'd host"

Her horrified expression is the last thing you see before falling asleep.


End file.
